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Alphabet
"A", you're Adorable,
"B", you're so Beautiful,
"C", you're a Cutie full of Charms.
"D", you're Delightful and
"E", you're Exciting and
"F", you're a Feather in my arms.
"G", you're so Good to me,
"H", you're so Heavenly,
"I", you're the one I Idolise.
"J", we're like Jack and Jill,
"K", you're so Kissable,
"L" is the Love-Light in your eyes
"M", "N", "O", "P"
I could go on all day.
"Q", "R", "S", "T",
Alphabetically speaking,
You're OK
"U" make my life complete,
"V", you're so Very sweet,
"W", "X", "Y", "Zee".
It's fun to wander through
The alphabet with you
And tell you what you mean
To
Me.
Toilet
Do not sit upon this seat
the crabs in here jump 80 feet
if u think that's fuckin high
go next door the bastards fly!
Mary Had...
Mary had a little pig
it wouldn't stop grunting
she tied it to a metal gate
and kicked its fuckin cunt in!
Mary Also Had...
Mary had a little lamb
she tied it to a pylon
2000 volts flew up its arse
and turned its wool to nylon!
The Creation Of Pussy
Seven wise men with knowledge so fine,
created a pussy to their design.
First was a carpenter, strong and bold,
using a hammer and chisel, he gave it a hole.
Second was a butcher, endowed with wit,
using a knife, he gave it a slit.
Then came a tailor, tall and thin,
with a piece of red velvet, he lined it within.
Fourth was a hunter, short and stout,
using a piece of fur, he lined it without.
Then came a fisherman, nasty as Hell,
he threw in a fish and gave it a smell.
Next was a preacher, whose name was McGee,
he touched it and blessed it and said it could pee.
Finally, a sailor, the dirty little runt,
he fucked it and sucked it and called it a cunt.
Very Naughty Poems
There once was a man from Nantucket
Whose dick was so long he could suck it
He said with a grin
As he wiped off his chin,
"If my ear were a cunt I would fuck it!"
There once was a man from Istanbul
Who had some red marks on his tool
He went to the doc
Who looked at his cock
And said "Wipe off the lipstick you fool."
There once was a woman from Latch
Who jacked herself with a match
She got so excited
Then damn thing ignited
And burnt all the hair off her snatch
There was a young woman from Leeds,
Who swallowed a packet of seeds,
In less than an hour,
Her tits were all flowers,
And her ass was covered in weeds.
There once was a priest from Siberia
Who motives were very ulterior
He done to a nun
What he shouldn't have done
And now she's Mother Superior.
There once was a woman from Hoboken,
Who claimed her cherry was broken,
From riding a bike,
On a cobblestone pike,
But it really was broken from pokin'!
There once was a girl from Vancouver
Whose mouth had the strength of a Hoover;
When she turned it on high,
A week would pass by,
Before anyone could remove her.
There once was a man from Seattle
Whose hobby was sucking off cattle
'Til a holstein named Keith
Blew a load through his teeth
And put 'im right back in the saddle
There was a young fella named Bubb,
Who played with himself in the tub.
Massaging his balls,
He shot on the walls
While farting out rub-ah-dub-dub.
Nymphomaniacal Jill
Tried a dynamite stick for a thrill
They found her vagina
Way over in China
And bits of her tits in Brazil
The couple, they jumped in the sack
With her legs wrapped tight 'round his back
But a condom, they found
Was nowhere around
So he couldn't slip into her crack.
There was a young man who had the art
Of making a capital tart.
With a handful of shit,
Some snot and a spit
And he flavors the whole with a fart.
There was a young lady named Candy.
Who with a vibrator was handy.
When asked why she does buzz.
Her answer with a sly grin was,"Cuzz,
It makes me feel quite dandy.
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